So lets talk about sex and the Stone.

The cello is a beautiful instrument, the way that the spruce and maple display their grains as they make their way, curving to form undulating lines of promise, the length of the neck that beckons for hands to take hold of it, all make it truly an instrument created by artisans. But with all this, the cello though exquisite to look at, does not become what it was meant to be until it is played.

And then we have the musician who although they hear the music in their head, is simply a person with imagination until they take hold of the instrument. The musician aches with anticipation, desiring only that moment when the music can be played. And so it is for the StoneButch, desire is for the other, with ultimate satisfaction only found when they are bringing the other to life, the Stone experiences pleasure, climaxing, by being a part of, by being the cause of, the other finding theirs.

And so, the concept of lesbianism i.e., women who love women; can feel alienating to a Stone. It makes sense that the lesbian wants and desires the female form, to touch and immerse themselves in another woman’s body, but for the StoneButch this treatment of their body hardens rather than excites. To be looked at, spoken of/to, touched, or treated in any way that feminizes them can create an instant wall of stone, one that they will stand behind, causing what some have come to misconstrue as a Stones inevitable remote persona. Some draw the conclusion that there is some type of body dysmorphia that needs curing and that the Stone needs to be “melted” in order for them to become the lesbian that they are supposed to be, this perception I hope to dispel.

A StoneButch is female-bodied and masculine-identified, and there is comfort in this. There is no desire to undergo any body transformation, just as there is no desire to try to assimilate to any feminine behavior or outlook. Sexual expression, desire, pleasure, and satisfaction are achieved (and from what I have learned, perhaps more often and easier than most), but it does not come from “taking turns”, from being a recipient in women loving women, or man loving woman types of interactions. Instead, it comes completely from being able to get close enough to the other to ignite them, and with that, a mutual orgasm is reached. “Melting” is not required, as in this moment, the StoneButch is as raw and exposed as anyone, or perhaps some might say even more so.

But this requires a certain type of woman, it requires a woman who isn’t just prepared to accept that she isn’t permitted to flip their sexual partner or to take the lead and venture into uninvited territory. But rather it takes a woman who wants it this way, a woman who desires to be dominated, who is capable of letting go of any self-control, who wants to be the focus, and who fully understands that by doing so, by just being herself, just how intense is the desire that they are creating in the Stone. This woman is often referred to as a stonefemme, a counter to the StoneButch, and for me, the “stone” in this narrative is a synonym for diamond, a rarity, and worth the search. And so, I ask that if your go-to has ever been about trying to “fix” the Stone, please try to remember that simply being different from you, does not mean “broken”.